For years now I have tried to fix myself; I tried to cure the depression and fill that void inside me. My own fiance doesn't even know the real me. What's even more sad is that I don't even know who I truly am yet, or even have an idea. I realize that no one ever really knows themselves, but at least a majority of society has some clue. I don't. Yeah I know the music I like,I know the movies I love. But when I start to look deeper all I see is the pitch black. I feel as if the light inside of me is trying to escape and it can't. Throughout my life I have had so much negativity and now it's smothering the pureness I do have left.
One thing that I truly hate is when you are brought at a set of crossroads in your life. I have no clue which was to turn. Should I continue on forward down a road that won't get me anywheres in life? Should I turn and try something new? Or should I just go back for awhile.?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Regrets.
Life is too PRECIOUS to worry about stupid shit.
So have FUN.
Get DRUNK.
Fall in LOVE.
Say what you want to say.
&& Do what you want to do.
REGRET nothing.
&& Don't let people who DON'T matter,
bring you down!!!
I have always gotten a kick out of quotes like these. I mean don't get me wrong they make excellent points, but it's so frustrating when you try so hard to live by those words and it never seems to work. I mean people who when they love.. they really love
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
My nightmare.
I still can not believe that it happened to me. No my life was never perfect, but I still never in a million years would have thought that anything that horrific could happen to me. I dont understand why I was so stupid.. what ever possessed me to see him while I was with L.G. I truely loved him, he helped me bring a part of me I didn't know I had in me out.
I was wrong for seeing C.G. the night of the prom, but I honestly just wanted to say goodbye. I never wanted him to kiss and I most defiantly did not want his grubby hands touching me. Hell I got out of the truck and walk a couple blocks away before I agreed to get in the vehicle with him again.
I couldn't tell L.G. though not with my nerves as bad as they are. I wasn't ready to tell him my ex tried to rape me. Which pretty much ruined out relationship since we broke up roughly a month later. And of course where I was heart broken I was stupid and payed no mind to logic and I agreed to see C.G. HUGE MISTAKE!!!!
July 11, 2006 will haunt me for the rest of my life. No one has been able to find out the whole truth. My fiance, my best friend don't even know the whole story. I wish I could tell someone.
We went out to East Point it was a nice day, and I fell right into his trap I started crying and he held me. He started to kiss me and it took me a moment to realize what was going on and I did pull away. He said sorry and I told him I wanted to go home. We left and about 2minutes later he pulled off to the side of the road I asked him what the fuck was going on got out started to walk out of the woods and he grabbed me.. started kissing me more.. i tried to pull away but he is so much stronger than I am. He started to put his hand around my throat and I froze. He unbuttoned my jeans lifted my shirt up...... I wish I could have stopped him. I didnt want him. I didn't want any part of him inside of me.
Now only if I can verbally tell someone.... this wasnt a good enough vent.
I was wrong for seeing C.G. the night of the prom, but I honestly just wanted to say goodbye. I never wanted him to kiss and I most defiantly did not want his grubby hands touching me. Hell I got out of the truck and walk a couple blocks away before I agreed to get in the vehicle with him again.
I couldn't tell L.G. though not with my nerves as bad as they are. I wasn't ready to tell him my ex tried to rape me. Which pretty much ruined out relationship since we broke up roughly a month later. And of course where I was heart broken I was stupid and payed no mind to logic and I agreed to see C.G. HUGE MISTAKE!!!!
July 11, 2006 will haunt me for the rest of my life. No one has been able to find out the whole truth. My fiance, my best friend don't even know the whole story. I wish I could tell someone.
We went out to East Point it was a nice day, and I fell right into his trap I started crying and he held me. He started to kiss me and it took me a moment to realize what was going on and I did pull away. He said sorry and I told him I wanted to go home. We left and about 2minutes later he pulled off to the side of the road I asked him what the fuck was going on got out started to walk out of the woods and he grabbed me.. started kissing me more.. i tried to pull away but he is so much stronger than I am. He started to put his hand around my throat and I froze. He unbuttoned my jeans lifted my shirt up...... I wish I could have stopped him. I didnt want him. I didn't want any part of him inside of me.
Now only if I can verbally tell someone.... this wasnt a good enough vent.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
July 9, 2006
It's been a lifetime since I seen that ancient oak tree. Lele thought as she stood in the centuries old cemetery. She promised herself that as long as she lived no one would ever make her feel passion or utter heartbreak again.
She was 17, young & full of life there was not a single force in all the universe that could confine her. Her temper could tear right through you with just one look. But if you look close enough you could see that in her eyes that her love is truly unvonditional.
He was 19, what the world out forgot the past. All he wanted was to rid himself of dark secrets. His soul was the purest evil yet at the same time the purest light. Even though he had friends and family he was still alone.
He had loved before... She had tried, but they were all illusions.
SOmething was destinted for these two, but neither of them knew it.
She always found herself out at night it was the only time she felt truly at ease. Just so happens that one particular someone else was also out.
(To be conti.)
Monday, February 4, 2008
Intro: Roane
No matter where she settles she always finds herself feeling half empty.
As a child she was found underneath that old oak tree with her nose buried in a book. Her mind was consistently wondering never able to stay in one place.
Everything was closing in on her... she felt as if her head would spin right off of her shoulders it was impossible to decipher anything anymore. Everything she thought that she once knew seemed to be nothing but lies. All she knew was that she had to escape; she didn’t worry about clothes or money all she wanted was to get out of there as soon as possible.
It was amazing how fast she found herself along the back road out of town having one Mac truck after another sorrowing by. Dust flying all around her head reminding her of a dream that she once had.
As a child she was found underneath that old oak tree with her nose buried in a book. Her mind was consistently wondering never able to stay in one place.
Everything was closing in on her... she felt as if her head would spin right off of her shoulders it was impossible to decipher anything anymore. Everything she thought that she once knew seemed to be nothing but lies. All she knew was that she had to escape; she didn’t worry about clothes or money all she wanted was to get out of there as soon as possible.
It was amazing how fast she found herself along the back road out of town having one Mac truck after another sorrowing by. Dust flying all around her head reminding her of a dream that she once had.
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