All over again.

I can't believe it I actually have another baby sister. Just really is a shame she won't be home for a little bit the things you do to help yourself and save your baby still result if some really fucked up consciences. Holding Kasey and having her look at me it really made me want children in the future. The love you get from a baby is the purest love in my opinion.

"I'm looking for corny in my life. "

Thankfully everything is now back on as close to smooth as I will get. Just really bites that I had to found out now that Adam tried to get Tiffany back. That really does hurt me a lot... mostly because he should have told me when we chose to be engaged. But, I found out that Tiffany was just hard for Adam to get over. Ashley claims that Adam has loved me more.

My life has just been stressful. If Im around my family too long I begin to go stir crazy. Whether it's because they chose to not to believe something was wrong or if it's something not to my knowledge.. ugh! And Adam's and my relationship ha been constant up and downs. For once now after 18months of knowing one another it'd be nice to be not as rough. Trying to savage our relationship drains so much energy from me. I do love him, but I want to punch him in his face sometimes.

Tolerating his inner demons, surviving his doubts, being understanding of him not wanting a full commitment. It's just now here he wants us engaged, but not tell his family. I can do without a ring it's just I wish he would tell his family about it. Exspecially if Jim may be passing away soon. Thought he is right we do need to be able to remain stable no matter what challage may come our way.

Maybe we just need time to reconnect. Learn about one another again.

However though I have most deffiantly found what I am looking for.

letter to self

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What are you doing with your life? Are you truly happy or even content with everything? You have been dating the same guy for 15months. At least on and off. Yes, you guys keep getting pulled back to one another, but come on now. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life doing that. Never really knowing what is next for you guys.. if you can make to that next marker.

Yes, you love him. And he may very well love you just as much as you love him.. but hun his love is like the wind. When dealing the wind at times you may be able to feel it, but those typical movements eventually blend in with all your other surroundings and then you don't really feel it anymore. Can you really wait much longer until his love just explodes for you like when the wind is blowing so strong it feels as if you are going to blow away.

He is able to make you smile and laugh and at the same time he is able to make you cry. Unfortunely he does it more often than you would like.. whether it is intentional or not is a whole different story. However, his kisses make you smile and just want to kiss him a zillion more times after that. Those kisses truthfully words are not able to describe your feelinsg.

Here you have a couple different guys who want to be with you. Who are willing to treat you well. Then there is Tick who always promises to do things and he says he'll get something and he really wants to be that guy, but he's not. Then you sit around and wonder why you aren't good enough or what is stopping him.. and you answer... HIMSELF!


Don't you think you deserve someone who will actually apply themselves. Yes, he has put up with a lot from you, but you have dealt with a lot of crap from him. Hell he got drunk going to a concert and someone who is suppose to be a friend grinded up against him. He forgot to get you boxes when you were moving but he remember to get that same friend boxes for when she moved. And the worst part is she is FAT and doesn't know how the fuck to clean her damn body. I mean she has dirt stains along with a smell.

You deserve a guy who will treat you like a "princess" or someone who puts you first.

-Myself




Ugh! I am so drained. Maybe later this will get finished.

Rylie Ash - 1

a creature unknown
hidden deep beneath our world
peeking out ello

I came across this short peom or saying or whatever you would like to call it. I don't know it just has a twisted yet sweet vibe about it.